


Radical Radscorpion

by ghostofshe



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Freeform, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofshe/pseuds/ghostofshe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Courier Six adds to her collection of friends</p>
            </blockquote>





	Radical Radscorpion

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a Tumblr prompt

“No.”

“Listen, I’m not asking for your guys’ approval. His name is Casserole and he’s part of the family now.”

The Lucky 38 explodes with voices shouting over one another. ED-E’s battle music chimes cheerfully behind the clamor. Cass shrieks with laughter, leaning into the wall to keep from rolling onto the floor. Raul chuckles softly beside her and says something that can’t be heard over the combined voices of everyone else in the room.

“You can’t just keep a radscorpion as a pet!” Insists Arcade, holding out his hands as though trying to physically grasp hold of the scene happening before him.

“Why the hell not?” Demands Six. She’s straddling the back of a six foot long radscorpion, holding it’s tail and stinger firmly under one arm, her other arm is tangled in a yellow extension cord as she tries to wind it around the thing’s body. The scorpion struggles desperately beneath her, apparently not all that excited to be part of the family.

Arcade sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes beneath the dark frames of his glasses. “You can not keep a hostile wild animal as a pet.”

“Why the hell not?” She repeats.

“Why would you name him Casserole?” Asks Veronica, Arcade and Boone both shoot her a look.

Six grins widely, “See guys, Veronica is asking the right questions here.” She relinquishes her grip on the tangled extension cord and pats the scorpion. “Casserole here is named after one of the best things I’ve ever eaten, radscorpion casserole. Get it? Because he’s a radscorpion?”

“I get it,” says Boone, aiming his rifle towards the thing’s head. “It’s dinner.”

“No!” Cries the Courier, throwing herself protectively over Casserole’s body and embacing him, even as his legs scitter frantically against the carpet, trying to get away. “It’s a joke! Casserole isn’t for making casseroles.”

“Bad joke,” says Boone, “Dinner would be better.”

Arcade nods sharply, “I’m inclined to agree.”

Six gasps, “How can you all be so cruel? You wouldn’t eat Rex, or ED-E!” Casserole flails and Six wraps her arms tighter around him. “Just accept it. He’s my pet and he’s going to guard the lower floor once I get him trained right.”

Veronica looms closer as the radscorpion starts to wriggle more violently under the Courier’s grasp. “It doesn’t really seem like he wants to be your pet, Six.”

“He’s just scared with all you guys standing around shouting at him, the poor guy doesn’t know what to think. Trust me, after a little adjustment he’ll be as docile as- as…” Six coughs. “Shit.”

The stinger went straight through the back of her, it’s sharp point coming to stick out just below her collarbone. Within a second it’s gone again, and the radscorpion is scuttling away into the bathroom. “Bad boy, Casserole.” Wheezes Six, rolling onto her back.

Cass runs up behind it and slams the door shut. “God damn it. I really gotta piss too.” She says, reaching for her shotgun. “Shit’s serious now.”

Arcade carefully injects a stimpak into Six’s arm, shooting her his most potent ‘I-told-you-so’ look. Six quickly climbs to her feet. “I guess now I have to rub his nose in it.”

“Time to make casserole outta Casserole,” hollers Cass, pumping her shotgun.

“No!” Shouts Six, running up and snatching Cass’s gun away.

Arcade and Raul both come up and try to grip the Courier by the shoulders but they’re too slow. Six kicks in the door to the bathroom and everyone yells at once for her to stop.

When nothing comes rushing out towards them, everyone crowds around the doorway.

The room is empty. The curtain is torn and every single item that had been on a table or shelf has been knocked onto the floor, but there’s no Casserole in sight. Everyone follows Six’s gaze to the far right corner of the room, where a two by four foot section of the roof is missing. “Oh yeah…” says Six, chuckling nervously. “Guess I should have had that water damage looked at eh?”

From the inside of the wall to their right comes an ominous pattering of feet. Everyone turns to glare at the Courier. Cass snorts, Arcade folds his arms, and Raul shakes his head. Nobody says anything except for ED-E, who beeps loudly and disapprovingly.

Six rubs the closing exit wound under her clavicle. “That’s kind of unfair ED-E. I mean, he’s doing his job after all, isn’t he? Hundred caps says he ends up in the lobby and terrifies away anyone who makes it through the front door.”

The silence stretches on for a few moments before Boone clears his throat, “I’ll take that bet.”


End file.
